Dear Rev Dr Gomes,
On behalf of the many cranky, crotchety organ grinders labouring throughout the Church of England, I wish to complain in the strongest terms about your “lack of compassion”.
It is bad enough our having to endure the monotony of playing inept harmonic arrangements coupled with the arrythmical nonsense from Hymns for Today’s Church whilst sitting patiently through repetitive sermons spouted by inarticulate clergy who like the sound of their own voices.
The only thing that keeps us going is the scent of a DAMNED GOOD, JUICY SCANDAL.
Oh, how we hoped you would be our saviour……we had waited for months. We had cast bets: Would it be an embezzlement? Or fornication perhaps? Maybe an organist’s wife? Perhaps an inappropriate breach of safeguarding policy with a bishop’s son?
But no….the truth is out and it has all fizzled out as a damp squib. No more than a mere paucity of CV specificity and a minor spat with a church cleaner.
We feel SO let down…how could you do this to us? We deserve better. If you had any compassion at all you could have at least given us something to gossip about in our dreary lives. It is enough to make some of us want to jump ship to Rome…at least they know how to keep scandal and gossip alive and well. I think they may have learnt it from the Greeks.
Ah well, I have to go now. I hear bongo bongo drums in the distance….they say that Dr Sentamu has come to the Isle of Man to indulge in some S&M with Bishop Robert…..
Love and best wishes,
…..keep up the good work! ☺